i apologize for neglecting my blog, i've just been so busy with senior year and trying to get through my first semester of college.
college. that's such a small word. yet, the definition behind it is absolutely terrifying.
you know? T E R R I F Y I N G .
p.s. to those who are reading this and currently attend my school, first: i'm so glad we met. your friendship means the world. and i hope we can still keep in touch. i will miss you, don't think otherwise.
okay continue.
as some may know, i now attend the university of the arts. it's a. . . nice school. i like the fact that it's smack dab in the middle of a city, and the nightlife is unbelievable. and being able to have professors who also have met some famous people really bring it up a notch as well.
i also go to a singles ward here. the members are beyond welcoming, and everyone's so cordial! it's really great, i have such a great support system within the church and it's nice.
but this all seems too good to be true. so let me just shatter that illusion right now.
it's actually really hard living here.
being on my own, living independently, that's actually really enjoyable. i don't have a problem with being by myself and making my own decisions. i don't need to worry about tripping up, because of the way my mom raised me. and i'll always appreciate that. but because of this school i go to, i'm one of two members who are freshmen. my mormon girl is a dancer from LA. and we get along great, we even talk about our sweethearts together. that's how close we've come. but even having her here, i still find myself feeling alone. i don't have the desire to party or drink or do anything stupid anymore. and the only fun people seem to do here is just that. that's not being fun. that's being an idiot.
i also miss my friends. my family. i miss having friends i can just hang out with on a rainy day, and not worrying about having to defend myself if a guy tries to come onto me, or if someone hands me a beer and i say no, which leads them to their usual "oh-you-think-you're-too-good" face. it's just tiring.
exhausting.
lonely, even.
i just want to be able to enjoy my freshmen year, in an environment that is stable enough for me to handle. i don't want to be labeled as "the mormon" anymore. i just want to be able to enjoy myself without having to always be so strong. i'm tired of being strong. and that's why. . .
i've decided to apply to the university of utah for my second semester.
yes, you can gasp out loud now.
oh, i didn't surprise you? what gave that away? it's not like i was complaining. . . . haha. i'm kidding.
but seriously.
hopefully, if i get in, i should be leaving around january.
and i'm super stoked!!!
talk about being in a stable environment. yes, i know what you're thinking. it's not all cookies and cream.
i know. i've lived in utah for a long time when i was younger. i was BORN there. you think i don't know that?
but i'm so prepared. and so ready. i just can't wait till i can be out there and be with people who care about my self-worth. people who want me to succeed and love me for who i am.
plus, i get to live with my dear grandparents, which will be a h u g e plus (since my grandma cooks like you wouldn't believe). i'll be fed better than here, that's for sure!
i'll keep you updated on what's coming up.
but right now, i've gotta study for midterms. and i admit, i'm actually writing this during my english class instead of working on my rough draft.
but i'm still writing, doesn't that count?