the single life. . .

okay. so this post is not me complaining about my love life (because i actually have a sweetheart, thank you very much). no. this post is me, well, sort of congratulating my young - AND I MEAN YOUNG - friends on their engagements.

but in a weird way.

so I'm Mormon, and proud of it. but oh my heavens, the past few days my news feed on just about EVERY social networking site has been blowing up big time with gooey pictures of the lovebirds and their engagement photos with the stereotypical "oh i'm not showing off my ring, my hand just happened to land on his chest that way" picture. literally cracks me up every time i see it! remind me not to do that pose when it's my turn.

but these gorgeous beauties are literally the same age as me. . . or within two years at least. i'm eighteen. i may love someone, but i am NOT ready at all to get married. i still have my life i have to live and friends i have to meet and college i have to struggle through before i make that kind of commitment. i mean, even though i absolutely can't wait until my happy day comes and i say yes to that one question that'll give me butterflies like nothing before, make my cheeks brighter that Dorothy's slippers, and bring me eternal love with my one and only. but that's not for another oh, three years or so.

don't read this post as me being sarcastic in any way. because i view marriage as something sacred beyond anything in comparison. and it's something that my religion values tremendously. and i've grown up with wanting to marry my "prince" in a beautiful "castle", otherwise known as an honorable returned missionary in a breathtakingly pristine temple.

so to congratulate these wonderful young women on their newfound life, i present to you my current love life and our pre-engagement pictures. . . .

this is my babe. . . for now. his name is ollie. no ladies, he's not single. duh.

look at the love in our eyes.

s/o to my generation for chucking up the deuces

yeah. . . i don't know.

the marilyn monroe wink.

our "we're so in love so we're going to show it with a black and white effect" pose

lights. camera. philly.

before i begin my crazy new story, let me just say that i'm not going to be posting every day. this just happened to be an absolutely awesome experience, that i couldn't wait to share yet another post.

okay. read on, my beautiful creatures.

so yesterday, my friend and i were walking out of terra after eating lunch. we were trying to figure out if we should start our star wars marathon that day, when we noticed people were filming across the street. we didn't really care that much, but i was like "what the heck, let's just go see what it is."

we met this sweet freshman from temple who was majoring in multi-media & film. i asked her what was going on, and this is what she said:

"well, i'm doing a project on film, and i looked up to see if anyone was filming in philly. and sure enough, there's a new movie that's being filmed right here, called Franny, which should come out sometime next year."

oh, by the way, did i mention that she said it was starring Richard Gere & Dakota Fanning? yeah. well, apparently, they're shooting a scene where Richard Gere rides out on the back of this 1940s Mercedes and screams in the middle of the street. best part? we were standing right where he drives out. and right where he had to turn to walk back into the hotel so they could shoot it again.

oh man it was awesome. to be literally breathing the same air as Richard Gere, that's how close i was to him. good grief.

the three of us were so into watching them, that when they started filming the scene, they came up to us like we were extras, and started instructing us what to do! they were like "when i say 'rolling', wait thirty seconds until you start walking down the sidewalk. do NOT look at the windshield, or the car in general, that's where the camera is."

can you believe it?! my friends and i just might be in the scene where Gere comes riding out on the back of a car! in a movie! a real movie.

i guess you could say i'm pretty famous. ask for my autograph later, i'm busy trying to study for midterms right now.

my theory class is next, and i need all the help i can get. i hate theory. so freaking much.

i'm a horrible blogger. no really.

wow. a year later and people STILL look at my blog. i feel very touched.

i apologize for neglecting my blog, i've just been so busy with senior year and trying to get through my first semester of college.

college. that's such a small word. yet, the definition behind it is absolutely terrifying.

you know? T E R R I F Y I N G .

p.s. to those who are reading this and currently attend my school, first: i'm so glad we met. your friendship means the world. and i hope we can still keep in touch. i will miss you, don't think otherwise. 

okay continue.

as some may know, i now attend the university of the arts. it's a. . . nice school. i like the fact that it's smack dab in the middle of a city, and the nightlife is unbelievable. and being able to have professors who also have met some famous people really bring it up a notch as well.

i also go to a singles ward here. the members are beyond welcoming, and everyone's so cordial! it's really great, i have such a great support system within the church and it's nice.

but this all seems too good to be true. so let me just shatter that illusion right now.

it's actually really hard living here.

being on my own, living independently, that's actually really enjoyable. i don't have a problem with being by myself and making my own decisions. i don't need to worry about tripping up, because of the way my mom raised me. and i'll always appreciate that. but because of this school i go to, i'm one of two members who are freshmen. my mormon girl is a dancer from LA. and we get along great, we even talk about our sweethearts together. that's how close we've come. but even having her here, i still find myself feeling alone. i don't have the desire to party or drink or do anything stupid anymore. and the only fun people seem to do here is just that. that's not being fun. that's being an idiot.

i also miss my friends. my family. i miss having friends i can just hang out with on a rainy day, and not worrying about having to defend myself if a guy tries to come onto me, or if someone hands me a beer and i say no, which leads them to their usual "oh-you-think-you're-too-good" face. it's just tiring.

exhausting.

lonely, even.

i just want to be able to enjoy my freshmen year, in an environment that is stable enough for me to handle. i don't want to be labeled as "the mormon" anymore. i just want to be able to enjoy myself without having to always be so strong. i'm tired of being strong. and that's why. . .

i've decided to apply to the university of utah for my second semester.

yes, you can gasp out loud now.

oh, i didn't surprise you? what gave that away? it's not like i was complaining. . . . haha. i'm kidding.

but seriously.

hopefully, if i get in, i should be leaving around january.

and i'm super stoked!!!

talk about being in a stable environment. yes, i know what you're thinking. it's not all cookies and cream.

i know. i've lived in utah for a long time when i was younger. i was BORN there. you think i don't know that?

but i'm so prepared. and so ready. i just can't wait till i can be out there and be with people who care about my self-worth. people who want me to succeed and love me for who i am.

plus, i get to live with my dear grandparents, which will be a h u g e plus (since my grandma cooks like you wouldn't believe). i'll be fed better than here, that's for sure!

i'll keep you updated on what's coming up.

but right now, i've gotta study for midterms. and i admit, i'm actually writing this during my english class instead of working on my rough draft.

but i'm still writing, doesn't that count?