the joy of a testimony.

being a Mormon is not the easiest thing in the world. but. . . it's worth it. it's one hundred percent worth it. i would know from personal experience. church today was very interesting. for one, it was fast sunday. so not eating for three hours is a HUGE task. but i can safely say that i've successfully accomplished that task. second, because it's fast sunday, people in the congregation are encouraged to go up and bear their testimony. it's completely optional, but when you do bear your testimony, you just get this warm, peaceful feeling. and it's like nothing you'll ever experience.

so when i'm sitting in the pew, fighting with myself on whether or not i should even go up, i had a blunt awakening towards the end of sacrament meeting. my phone buzzed in my lap, and i looked down to find a text message from the boyf (yes, that must be shocking to read. but don't worry, i'll talk about him later. . . maybe sometime this week. patience.) . nicholas (aka the "boyf") had said "bear your testimony :)"

so i did. 

i think he was the one that pushed me to go up there. i didn't want to talk to him later, and have him ask me that simple question, "did you bear your testimony?" and regretfully say no.

after i texted him the confirmation that yes, i did bear my testimony. . . he shared this scripture with me. and it's forever one of my favorites.

d&c 62:3 - Nevertheless, ye are blessed, for the testimony which ye have borne is recorded in heaven for the angels to look upon; and they rejoice over you, and your sins are forgiven you.

i've been through a lot of different experiences, trials, and hardships in my life. none of which i can regret, so to speak, because they are the reasons why i am the way i am today. and if i had not gone through those said trials, i may not be the same "sierra" everyone knows now. i may still be taking the gospel for granted at times, not reading the scriptures or writing in my journal as much as i should. not taking prayer seriously, unless i went to some sort of church activity that would get me "spiritually high" for about a week, then slowly wear off after a short while.

no. not anymore. i'm done with treating my Heavenly Father like he was a slice of tomato on my juicy burger. okay that's probably confusing. let me explain. i hate tomatoes. no seriously, they're just so slimy and gross and juicy-in-all-the-wrong-ways revolting. and for a while, like i do to all my tomatoes on my otherwise delectable burgers and sandwiches, i'll pluck it out of there and plop it onto a napkin, only to await its fate of being thrown away. 

it's kind of like taking Heavenly Father out of my life, "plucking" Him out, and tossing him aside on a napkin that will soon be forgotten, pushed to the side by worldy fun, by devilish temptations, by careless decisions. and i'm extremely tired of digging that napkin out of the trash of sin, and trying to bring Him back into my life. it's much easier if i just face the gospel with a positive attitude, always putting Him first before anything else. because as long as i do that, nothing can push me down. they may try, but if i'm strong and faithful and if i keep building my testimony into a roaring fire, they will fail.

i can't say the same for the tomato in the napkin. it may be a while before i actually suck it up and eat that too.

in the words of hilary weeks:

I have felt the spirit burn truth in my heart 

It's in my heart 

I will stand 

I will not fall 

In a world that's weak 

I will be strong 

I'll be true 

I will choose His way 

Yeah, I know what's right 

And I will not change 

In a world where so many will not 

I will